In this very long Golus night…. there’s a lot of light behind the curtains. Sometimes we see it coming in like through a Crack of a thick wall. Sometimes its a ray through the curtains. No matter if we see it or not, the light is there.
In the brocha of yotzer ohr,my understanding is as follows,
Hashem first created the light.
The yeshua and refuah is always prepared before the hardhip. Then, uborei choshech,
The darkness was created.
Hashem then made peace between the 2.
Uborei es hakol..
And this is the way he created all of nature..
The light needs to get extracted from the dark. It’s there. We just need to look for it and sometimes persevere. In the end we’ll find it wrapped up in darkest places. That’s actually where our greatest growth and light forms.
In Eicha 1,3, we see the expression of being trapped between the boundaries or narrow places. We also see the expression of the walls of tzion crying.2,18
When we come to places in life where we feel that we hit a wall of pain or sorrow we need to know at least in our conscience who it is behind that wall of darkness or pain.
I once had a super painful period in my life. One night as I was in bed I started to cry to Hashem with the verse of “Min hameitzar”. And I begged Hashem please! Ononi bamerchav, Dear God. Just widen those boundaries and move this heavy wall a bit, so i can go on.
Immediately I was zoche to get an answer in the form of a verse in shir hashirim that popped into my head..
Hinei ze omeid achar kosleinu. Mashgiach min hachalonos umeitzitz min hacharakim.
I immediately decided that If, Hashem, since it’s You that is holding up this wall and looking through, then I’ll just lean on this wall. It’s gonna be ok.
When we lean on this wall, patiently waiting for the vision of the Crack to see Hashem peaking through, then we get to see it within time. Sometimes we feel it within.
Sometimes we get it in an open embrace. We just need to look for it.