Teshuvah-Finding a Shidduch

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    • intomeaning 4 months ago

      One strategy I use to daven for a marriage partner is teshuva. Teshuva is connected to kapara and kapara to Yom Kippur (since Yom Kippur follows the Ten Days of Teshuva). I learned from my Rebbe n’y that kapara is defined as the type of forgiveness a father would give his son simply by recalling the first time he held him in his arms-how could he continue to bear any grudge? Kapara is when a husband and wife recall the first time they fell in love, the intensity of their relationship at its inception gives them the strength to overcome. Similarly, Hashem looks at us on Yom Kippur the way He intended us to be, at our highest potential, and He forgets, so to speak, our transgressions. It is no coincidence that the day of one’s marriage is a mini-Yom Kippur perhaps because it is the day where they return (teshuva) to the missing part of their soul, to a state of being in the image and likeness of God as enumerated in the sheva brachot[1] and in the book of Genesis[2]. These are some places in my siddur where I daven for a shidduch using teshuva:

      1. Amida: Bracha of Teshuva

      Hashivenu,(“Return us”)-I have in mind that I should find my shidduch and return to them and once again become in the image and likeness of God. Avinu-(“Our father”)-You are my father and I want You to be my matchmaker[3],  letoratecha, (“to your Torah”)- I want to have a relationship with someone who wants to learn Your Torah, vekarveinu malkenu laavodatecha (“bring us closer, our King, to Your service”)-I want my relationship to make me a better person, a better davener and learner of Your Torah, vehachazirenu bitshuva shleimah lefaneicha (“And cause us to return in complete repentance before You”)-I want my relationship to bring others to return to You.

      1. Amidah: Bracha of Teshuva-Ratzon-Shabbat-Poteach Et Yadecha

      Harotze bitshuva (“Who desires repentance”)-Teshuvah is ratzon Hashem. When saying poteach et yadecha umasbiya lechol CHAI ratzon (“You open your hand and satisfy the living with will”)-I want to be a CHAI-someone who connects to Torah because it makes me feel alive, and I want to be filled with teshuva, with the presence of my significant other who wants the same. I want my relationship with such a person to be makor habracha (“the source of blessing[4]”). Makor is the same gematria (numerical value) as ratzon.

      I pray, Ribbono Shel Olam that you should send me a partner, the right partner, for us to return to each other, amein ken yehi ratzon.

      [1] One of the brachot of the sheva brachot states Asher Yatzer et HaAdam Betzalmo b’tzelem demut tavnito “Who formed the Primal Human being in His image-in the image of His likeness.” I learned about this bracha from my Rebbe n’y that a human being who is connected to the right partner is the one who is in the image of God.

      [2] In Genesis 1:27 it writes “And God created man in His image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” This verse indicates the “image of God” requires both the male and female.

      [3] I learned this from Michal Streicher

      [4] Lecha dodi when inviting the Shabbat Queen, we say that Shabbat is the makor habracha, the source of all blessing. Lecha dodi refers to the Shabbat as a kala, a bride an in doing so, alludes to the type of relationship one ought to have with their significant other.

    • Michal 4 months ago

      This Tefillah is so beautiful.  Amein!

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